This morning opened and I was completely out of sorts.  I was testy, had just completely lost the ability to comprehend.  Common sense had just fled to some shadowed corner of my mind.  Between the black eye at home and Duston's huge road rash on his neck.  Then the situation within the coven which I have manged to practically destroy.  I am sitting here writing and still am just tormented trying to decide if I have made the right decision.  Trying to work out how to fight this thing with the kids and work and having a raise in rent.  I have to overcome this stupid exact order need which haunts me.  There are times I wonder if I should just possibly advise or I don't know make suggestions and withdraw from being an active Elder.  There are also times when I wonder if I should just let mom have custody of the kids for a time.  This blender of thoughts raging in my head are really giving me a serious headache, which I have had for a few days now.  I changed the colors to green this week and though it usually soothes me, it was more nauseating today than anything.  I look around and all of my failures are staring me in the face and I am not seperating work, home, coven well.  They are just a blur.  I am going to try to get some work done....