moon phases
 











I am just your average Witch.
Not in the bad sense of the word.
I'm actually a practicing Wiccan.
I was raised this way and am raising
my three children the same.

Many of my beliefs come from various
places along the Path of what most term
as the Occult. Call it Paganism, Kemeticism,
Druidism and a lot if 'isms they all make
up the beliefs I hold dear.

I am a dreamer of dreams and a seeker
of visions. I have spoken to the man in
the mountain, and praised the Goddess
in the clouds. I was gifted to see pieces
of tomorrow and blessed with seeing
lifetimes of the past.

My interests are as varied as the wind
and as simple as the earth. I am a witch,
a descendent of the Fae, and a believer
and neighbor to the "Little People" who
still reside today.

Say what you will of me, it matters not,
for I am a daughter of the Goddess and
under her divine protection.




Be Like Nike.... JUST DO IT!

I have found in my personal path,
from asking other followers of both
the Pagan and Wiccan path, from living
amongst family in the Native American
path that there is one thing that stands
out above all!!

It has to work for you!

Following this path is an adventure in
learning and understanding! The Goddess
is a giving and loving mother who demands
our respect and homage, but accepts our
initial bumbling attempts with the love of a
mother with an infant.

She understands the desire to do what
"others" have written as "THE WAY" and
our mistakes or over compensation in
attempting perfection. Through all of this
she still loves and nurtures us.

I remember once searching the earth
it seemed for black candles. Finally I
colored a dark green one with a
permanent black marker. I achieved
the needed results and have now
learned that perfection is a trait of the
deities, not the human race.

No matter what position we may hold,
Shaman, High Priest, etc.... we cannot
achieve the perfection of the Goddess
in her perfect and unconditional love for us.

So do not worry if everything is not
according to whomever's book.
The Goddess does not love them more
because they are published. Keep
permanent markers and white candles
on hand.... HA HA But most of all, enjoy,
feel the love, and accept the calling of
this sacred path.

Remember.....

True faith comes from the sincere
worship and community with the
God and or the Goddess. Being
"certified" on the Path or of the
"Craft" requires study and the practice
of many things over a period of time.
While I agree that witchraft, the craft
alone, is not a religion, it is not just a
practice either. It is a way of life.
A choice of Paths and futures. A Path
of true unconditional love, honor and
respect, for both mankind and the world
around you. While I consider myself a
witch, a worshipper of the Old Ones and
a follower of their teachings, I am no
different from the pious xtian who follows
that Path as seriously as I follow mine.
We are both servants to our deity
(or deities in my case) and striving to be
worthy of their unconditional love.
To live a life that shows our beliefs and
glorifies our deities through our words
and actions.





   

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*WARNING*
The spells on this page
are for example ONLY.
I am not responsible for
any positive or negative
results achieved!
Use at your own risk!







Colors & Symbolism



~ASTRAL COLORS~

Zodiac Sign - Primary - Secondary

AQUARIUS - BLUE - Green

PISCES - WHITE - Green

ARIES - WHITE - Pink

TAURUS - RED - Yellow

GEMINI - RED - Blue

CANCER - GREEN - Brown

LEO - RED - Green

VIRGO - GOLD - Black

LIBRA - BLACK - Blue

SCORPIO - BROWN - Black

SAGITARIUS - GOLD - Red

CAPRICORN - RED - Brown


~Days of the Week~

Sunday - Yellow

Monday - White

Tuesday - Red

Wednesday - Purple

Thursday - Blue

Friday - Green

Saturday - Black

WHITE - purity, truth, sincerity. Your
Altar candles should always be white -
The God or the Projective Aspect of anyone.
A good general purpose candle color for
most anything. Color of the Goddess in the
Maiden aspect. Usual color of the
7th (crown) chakra

RED - strength, health, vigor, sexual love -
Related to the High Noon Sun and the
Full Moon. Passion. Sexual love. Creativity.
Energy. Courage. Strength. Element of the
South, Fire. Color of 1st (root) chakra.
Summer. Young adult.

LIGHT BLUE - tranquility, understanding,
patience, healthRelated to the High Noon
Sun and the Full Moon. Passion. Sexual love.
Creativity. Energy. Courage. Strength.
Element of the South, Fire.
Color of 1st (root) chakra. Summer.
Young adult.

DARK BLUE - impulsiveness, depression,
changeability

GREEN - finance, fertility, luck - Related
to the Night and the Dark Moon. The completion
of projects. Solidarity. Stability. Prosperity. Luck.
Rebirth. Fertility. Element of the North, Earth.
Color of 4th (heart) chakra. Winter. Old Age.

GOLD/YELLOW - attraction, persuasion, charm,
confidence - Related to the Rising Sun and the
Waxing Moon. New beginnings. Mental activities.
Studying and Learning. Divination. Clairvoyance.
Communication. Element of the East, Air.
Color of 3rd chakra,(solar plexus). Spring.
Childhood - The God. Power. Anything to do with
the Sun. Projective power.

BROWN - hesitation, uncertainty, neutrality

PINK - honor, love, morality

BLACK - evil, loss, discord, confusion, will ward
off all of these when burnt with the proper side
candles, ritual, and spell - The Goddess or the
Receptive Aspect of anyone. The banishment,
absorption or destruction of negativity. Color of
the Goddess in the Crone aspect.

PURPLE - tension, ambition, business, progress,
power - Color relating to spirituality and high
purpose. Color of the 6th chakra (third eye)
depending on the system, sometimes the
6th is indigo and the 7th is purple or white.

SILVER/GRAY - concellation, neutrality,
stalemate - The Goddess. Spirituality.
Anything to do with the Moon. Receptive power.

ORANGE - encouragement, adapatability,
stimulation, attraction - Health. A combination
of Yellow and Red, which is new beginnings
and passion/creativity together.
Color of the 2nd (abdominal) chakra.

GREENISH YELLOW - sickness, cowardice,
anger, jealousy, discord.


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Sunday, August 08, 2004
I Hate this War

Mother, keep Antonio in your hands safe and sound until this dreadful war is over!

Posted at 11:58 am by KharaSiochain
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Monday, August 02, 2004
Mead ~ Honey Moon Ritual

The Honey or Mead Moon is a time of transformation. A time to give thanks to Nature and the magickal creatures and folk who protect nature with their lives. This ritual will combine both the Cherokee and Celtic ways and Pantheons.

 

Supplies:

*Honeyed Wine (use sangria, pour two cups into a decanter or bottle add 4 tblsp honey, add orange slices, lemon slices and a tblsp lime juice. Fill bottle ¾ of the way with the wine)

Fruit Bread (banana, currant, berries etc. Muffins will work)

Drizzle with… Real butter & Honey

Candles -

Green, Yellow, Blue and Red

Orange

Purple

White

Salt, silver, rosemary and sage mix (use silver glitter or fairy dust)

Incense should be musk, sandalwood or amber or a rich a heady incense.

Decorate your altar with flowers or petals and new fruit. This ritual does not use stones or crystals unless they are wands.

Place the Orange, Purple and White candles in the center of the elemental circle of the

Yellow in the North for Air

Red in the East for Fire

Green in the South for Earth

Blue in the east for Water

HP - We are gathered here together to give worship to the Lord and Lady. To give praise and offering to the spirits of nature who are called by many names.

HPS - Our circle we cast with the blessing herbs of Rosemary and Sage, with sacred salt and an offering of silver. (casts circle with mix)

HP - We call to the four corners, to the elements of life. We ask that they bless us in this our transition from new life to growth along the Path of the Lord and Lady.

We call to Air, our Guardian to the North, she who blows away the cobwebs of confusion and whispers her blessings on the breeze. May she guide us in her wisdom and give us the winds of change. (light yellow candle)

We call to Fire, our Guardian to the East, she who raises the sun and shines upon us with all her glory. May she fill us with her strength and energy, giving us her fire in body spirit and soul. (light red candle)

We call to Earth, our Guardian to the South, she the great mother who nourishes and protects us, shelters and guides us. May she grant us the peace of her valleys and the strength of her mountains. (light green candle)

We call to Water, our Guardian to the West, she the glorious cleanser of all life, she who rules in both realms of earth and air. May she grant us her purification that we come with a clean spirit and soul. (light blue candle)

HPS - The circle is cast now ones times four, may all who are gathered here be blessed and safe within this sacred circle.

HP - We offer our praise and thanks to the creatures of the Earth. Those who nourish us and guard us. Those who teach us and guide us. The Raven, The Salamander, The Dragonfly and The Turtle, those who represent each aspect of the creatures who abide on this Earth with us. We lift them before the Lord and Lady for their love to shine down upon them. (light orange candle)

HPS - We offer praise to the folk of the land. Those who cannot be seen in the mortal world unless they have granted their blessing. The Faeries, The Elvin, The Gnome and The Merfolk who represent each aspect of those who keep the world in harmony. We lift them before the Lord and Lady for their love to shine down upon them. (light purple candle)

ALL - We offer praise to the Lord and Lady, they who are called by many names. To grant us their blessing and guide us through spirit and worship. We give thanks for the new life we see around us, for their blessing on a fruitful life and their love always. (light white candle)

HP - I lift this wine to the Lord and Lady, an offering prepared for them in the old ways and set out to share with those most beloved by them. (all take sip of wine )

HPS - I offer this bread made with the fruit of the earth, the toil of its creatures and the consecration of worship. (all take a bite of bread)

ALL - To the Lord and Lady on this Full Moon we offer our praise and thanksgiving for your love and guidance. We beseech those creatures and folk we have lifted up to you to partake in this offering and bless our homes throughout.

Our praise we offer

To those above

To shine down

Their everlasting love.

Our gifts we offer

To those around

To protect and guard

As the wheel turns round.

We offer wine and bread

And ask that it be seen

As a sacred offering

For As I Will

So Mote It Be!

 

This time is open to all members to give thanks or praise in their own words.

We close this circle, that what has been wrought here will stay in motion until we meet again this time next year. May this Circle hold true the worship and praise that has been offered and may those who we have brought before the Lord and Lady be appeased and pleased with our offering for this coming year.

 

We give thanks to Water, our Guardian to the West, for her cleansing and purification of those assembled here.

ALL - Go in Hope and Love. (extinguish blue candle)

We give thanks to Earth, our Guardian to the South, for her strength and the peace granted.

ALL - Go in Peace and Love. (extinguish green candle)

We give thanks to Fire, our Guardian to the East, for her glory and power that she has shared.

ALL - Go in Light and Love. (extinguish red candle)

We give thanks to Air, our Guardian to the North, for the wisdom and change she has blown into us.

ALL - Go in Faith and Love. (extinguish yellow candle)

 

 

 

© 2004 Khara Siochain O’Taryn

 


Posted at 08:21 pm by KharaSiochain
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Introducing Children to the Path

Two Simple Steps to Introduce Young children to the Path

 The First Step

A basic core belief that is shared by both the Wiccan, Pagan and Native American Paths is the love and worship of nature. This is a wonderful first step to introducing even your youngest toddler to the Wiccan way of life. It also allows you time outdoors with your child or children and gives you a chance to enjoy the beauty and glory of nature as well. Small bug-catching kits are available at many stores nationwide. This gives your child a chance to study these small miracles up close and then release them back to their natural habitat. Explain to your child that all life is sacred, and while we may observe, we must also return with a thank-you. Catching lightening bugs and putting them in a jar is wonderful fun for both of you. Again, let them go before you go inside.

Make up a picnic for you and your children, decide where you are going, and have your children help you pack what the nature around you would like for picnic as well. Bread or seeds for the birds, water for the trees, if there are squirrels, peanuts or walnuts. Enjoy your lunch while teaching your children to care for the world around them. Even to shaking out your picnic blanket and leaving food for the ants.

Pinecone, peanut butter and birdseed bird feeders are an excellent way to teach your child to care for the God/Goddess’ small creatures. On a walk have your child pick up a few large line cones. On the next rainy day, sit down with your child, cover the table with newspaper or wax paper. You will need your pinecones, a jar of peanut butter, crunchy or smooth, birdseed, a plate, string or yarn and a spoon. Tie a loop of string or yarn to the end of the pinecone for hanging. Help you child spoon peanut butter all over and into the niches of the pinecone. Pour birdseed on a plate then roll the pinecone in the seed. Make sure you get all the peanut butter covered well with a layer of seed. Set them aside and let them set. Take them with you on your next walk and let your child choose where to hang them. Do this with an explanation that the birds are beloved creatures of the God/Goddess, that by taking care of them and feeding them you are giving praise for their creation.

If you have the outdoor space, allow your child to make their own little garden, planting the seeds of their choice. Let them tend their gardens and see how their plants grow. Be prepared to eat any vegetables they may choose to grow. You may use this to incorporate an understanding of Imbolc and the rituals for growth and planting. It carries through to the Ostara, as their plants peak through the earth, on to Beltaine, as their plants have grown and matured. If they have chosen flowers, allow them to pick them and place them on the family altar.

Invest in a book that gives picture references of your local flora and fauna. See how many from the book you and your child can find. Use this as a tool to explain the many varieties of life which are all beloved by the God/goddess.

Spend a warm evening listening to the sounds of the night. Have your child try to name which creatures he/she hears that you have seen during your daytime adventures. Enjoy with them the peace and tranquility of a beautiful evening. Even children of a young age can sit and be quiet for a few minutes to just listen and feel. It can be a good opportunity to explain the Summer Solstice and the time of the year to watch things grow and mature.

As the season moves towards autumn, take some time with your child to appreciate the fruits of the field. Find a project you can make together, possibly making an apple pie. If you garden, let your child help you with the harvest and watch as you can or freeze the bounty from your garden for the winter months. This is an excellent time to incorporate Lughnasadh, Mabon and Samhain lessons.

Books with Native American animal stories are a wonderful resource for teaching young children. In this day and age of children’s television, going back to a simpler time with well written and humorous stories, is a beautiful way to spend time with your child. So many of these stories have a subtle lesson behind them to teach. They will often inspire your children to ask a lot of questions on the whys and wherefores. Be prepared to incorporate the little lessons they learn from these stories into your everyday life.

Using these simple ideas and others you come up with like them, builds in your child a strong sense of balance and respect for and with nature and the world around them. They are a stepping stone to understand and acceptance as they mature and the nature of your lessons on Wicca grow into worship, ritual and the Craft.

The Second Step

Children love to do what Mommy or Daddy do. If you have kept your altar hidden, or behind locked doors, then now is the time to start an altar for the entire family. It does not need to be glamorous or perfect, it is just a place for your children to see as a sacred space in their home. Choose a shelf, counter, bookcase top, wherever you feel comfortable and set up an altar for family worship and community.

Let your child or children help. If their astral color is not one they like, let them pick their favorite color candle, let them place leaves or flowers they have found on the altar. Stones, shells and nut husks are acceptable as well. Altar figures of the God/Goddess may not be something for this altar. Let your child help you choose something they feel is correct. An animal or bird, a dragon. Or keep fresh flowers and grasses there.

Take some time each evening, when homework and dinner is done and sit together. Light the white candles for the God/Goddess, then help your child or children light their candle. Sit and give thanks for the good things of the day. Discuss anything bad or upsetting that may have happened and have your child write it down or draw a picture of it on a small piece of paper. Fold or crumple the paper and place it in your censer or a glass dish and light it. Explain to your child or children that in doing this they are giving their troubles up to the God/Goddess and they are free from them now.

As the seasons change and the Sabbats and Esbats occur, decorate the family altar accordingly, have you child help with this, explaining the meaning behind what you are doing.

As your child or children grow, these two steps will be the cornerstones upon which you may base a lifetime of education.


Posted at 08:15 pm by KharaSiochain
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Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Past Life Research Project

My coven is working together on a guided meditation past life project.  We are logging all particular moles, birthmarks and lifetime or continual medical problems...

Moles...  I have a small light colored mole at the tip of my right eyebrow, one about 1/4 of an inch from the corner of my left eye and one at my right temple.  All of these are fairly light in color.  There is one under the side of my right breast, two in a straigth line down from that one, one that ist about 3 inches straight above my naval, a small one to the left and down from that one.  There is one on my left breast towards under my arm. One on my lower left back I have one on my right elbow and one on my left shoulder all of these are darker that my facial ones and range in size from a dot to the size of the tip of my finger.  I am, like most redheads covered with freckles.

Birthmarks...  I have five birthmarks.  One is on my left upper thigh which is about 3 inches long and an inch wide in an oval shape, it is very odd in that it looks like a very white circle with freckles in it.  The Dr has explained that there is a lack of pigmintations formation there, whatever that means, that one I was born with.  I have another on my right thigh shaped kinf d of like africa except it is barely 1/2 an inch high, it showed up after I started being exposed to the sun.  A small one on my right calf which again required sun to be seen and another on my left calf the shape of a triangle which showed up in the sun.  The last is on my right arm beside my elbow and it is very strange shaped and and almost looks like a splatter burn scar.

Physical traits...  Very thick, naturally curly red hair.  Green eyes with a very very dark ring around the iris.  I have a dimple in my left cheek only.  My little finger on each hand only comes to just a bit above my middle knuckle of my ring fingers.   Short little toes, with the big toe being the largest on both feet.  I have very long legs for my short height.  The distance from my hip bones to my waist is barely 2 inches, where as it should span from the tip of your middle finger to the tip of your thumb.

Birth Defects... I was born with underdeveloped ear canals and had a serious hearing problem for most of my childhood.  I had reconstructive surgery when I graduated High School and have almost perfect hearing in my left ear, but as a result of my eardrum being damaged by a nurse when I was younger, I still have to wear a hearing aid in my right ear at times.  I have permanent tubes in my ears.  My right ear is bent down and looks a little crumpled at the top.  I have an extremely high instep and only leave toes and heel prints in the sand with a very thin line on the outside.  I am very small boned.

Health Problems... Aside from the ears which was considered a birth defect, I have had kidney stones and must watch my diet constantly.  Sinus and allergy problems have bothered me my whole adult life, which leads to serious sinus migraines.  I have arthritis in my right hand which has bothered me since my school years.  I have joint problems which can keep me in constant pain at times.   I fight my weight constantly.  I was born with foot and ankle problems and the Dr's wanted to put me in braces, however, my grandparents refused and worked with me constantly until I retrained my bones and muscles.  I have no reflexes in my legs. 
Phobias....  I am afraid of spiders, not the tiny ones, the woods spiders, tarantulas and such.  I know it is silly but anything that is the circumfrence of a baseball that can disappear into a crack terrifies me.  Heights can bother me, but it requires an instability of where I am standing.  Space Needles and such that move in the wind.  I cannot and will not ride carnval rides.  Amusement parks with permanent rides do not frighten me, carnivals and fair rides terrify me.  I am not particularly claustrophobic, but I cannot stand things close around my neck or over my face.  I suffer from panic and anxiety attacks to the point that there are times I cannot leave the house alone to go somewhere other than safe places such as work or to visit family.  New places are almost impossible for me alone without serious medication.

Things about me that are odd... I have no problem with water in the ocean or pools, however I do not venture far into rivers, lakes or ponds, they scare me.  I am more comfortable in dim light.  I am always hot, always have been.  I have an odd ablility for mathematics which comes from nowhere. 

Psychic or paranormal abilities... I have a very strong sense about people.  I feel things before they happen and can hear things others cannot.  My dreams can be prophetic. 

Posted at 01:13 am by KharaSiochain
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Thursday, May 06, 2004
Superglue ~vs~ the Monitor

Nightmares, Running from gigantic spiders who can eat half of your leg and will chase you.  I am so exhausted tonight.  When I woke up this morning I felt like I had run a marathon.  The sheets were a tangle about my legs.  Ugh, I HATE spiders.

I wore green today.  I have tried to keep things seperate between my many avenues of worry.  Housed them in order and file through when a solution for one is not at hand. I took a long time over the reading my sister did for me.  I received it before, but tonight allows me a bit of peace and understanding.

It only took one bottle of fingernail polish remover to get the superglue off. 

Posted at 09:04 pm by KharaSiochain
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Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Spiders

I received and email from a friend of mine today which turned out to be the most terrifying thing I had ever seen.  Spiders, HUGE GIGANTICE DISGUSTING spiders.  I had goosebumps from looking at the picture.  Then I had to read the article part again and the fear snuck into the back of my head.  That chill which starts at the very base of your spine and travels up to the shivers. 

I went to the coven site and worked my way down the new posts just relaxing in the greens.  This turmoil is driving me to really want a valium. 

I spent a lot of the night stressing and I then sent my articles and spells out to Llewlyn.  I tried to send it twice and Joy kept hitting the Esc button.  So I replied to his last email inviting me to submit.  I BCCed one of my sisters and hit the send. 

I am going to burn some green candles and take a piece of flourite for meditation.

Posted at 10:12 pm by KharaSiochain
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Saturday, May 01, 2004
Ah Beltaine...

This morning opened and I was completely out of sorts.  I was testy, had just completely lost the ability to comprehend.  Common sense had just fled to some shadowed corner of my mind.  Between the black eye at home and Duston's huge road rash on his neck.  Then the situation within the coven which I have manged to practically destroy.  I am sitting here writing and still am just tormented trying to decide if I have made the right decision.  Trying to work out how to fight this thing with the kids and work and having a raise in rent.  I have to overcome this stupid exact order need which haunts me.  There are times I wonder if I should just possibly advise or I don't know make suggestions and withdraw from being an active Elder.  There are also times when I wonder if I should just let mom have custody of the kids for a time.  This blender of thoughts raging in my head are really giving me a serious headache, which I have had for a few days now.  I changed the colors to green this week and though it usually soothes me, it was more nauseating today than anything.  I look around and all of my failures are staring me in the face and I am not seperating work, home, coven well.  They are just a blur.  I am going to try to get some work done....

Posted at 10:12 pm by KharaSiochain
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Tuesday, April 27, 2004
A Day for Hope

Today was a bad day for me, so I planned my wardrobe carefully.  As blue is my usual calming color, I chose instead yellow.  My jewelry?  Rainbow moonstones which reflected the yellow and gave a hint of an amber look to them.

Upon reaching the destination, I concentrated on the strength I drew from the sun.  I took each breath with the thought of breathing in the yellow and exhaling the black and grey.  I got through the appointment without losing my temper or crying.  This was a major accomplishement for me!

Posted at 09:13 pm by KharaSiochain
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Sunday, April 25, 2004
Yellow

Yellow, one of my favorite colors.  My coven and I are working on Color Energy and this weeks color is yellow.  When I fist went to the site with it's usual cool blues and greens, I was relaxed.  As I made the changes to yellow, I felt a spurt of energy and a boost in my spirit.  I did however have to work on getting used to the change.  We shall see how the week goes.

Posted at 11:27 pm by KharaSiochain
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Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Recent Article

Are We Robbing Our children of Life?


Recently my sister and I had a long conversation about funerals. An uncle had died and she had called to tell me how the viewing, ceremony and internment had gone. We reminisced on funerals from our childhood. Now while this may seem very ghoulish, it was actually a conversation that left us laughing.

Twenty plus years ago it was unthinkable not to bring your child to a local family funeral. In general all funerals were held at the same funeral home, the family was known by the home staff and the viewings could be one sometimes two days depending on how far other family members were traveling. While family and friends sat and shared memories, stories and anecdotes about the deceased, every small walking child was up and about running in and out of the group. If the home was only holding one viewing on the particular evening, then the additional viewing room became a playground for hide and seek, tag and just running till one fell down. This was a time that the children were able to see cousins they rarely if ever saw, aunts and uncles, new babies and spouses. The casket room, if it could be snuck into, was an excellent place to terrify each other with Dracula tales.

We all knew why we were there. We understood an elderly relative had passed. We were led in to view the deceased lying in their casket, looking to children as if they were sleeping. The entire passing was explained and accepted by all of us. We understood clearly that death was in fact, a part of life. It was accepted, a few tears would be shed, goodbyes were said, then for us children, life would go on.

Traditionally the entire family and all close friends would gather at whosever home was largest and sit and catch up on family news, gossip and life. The young wives and older daughters were in charge of laying out the many pounds of food which had been brought by family, friends, neighbors, former co-workers etc. Sweet ice tea and hot coffee was drunk by the gallon, someone had always supplied a 50 cup coffee maker, usually the funeral home. During these times as well, all the children would be outdoors in the warmer months, or indoors if cold, running and playing and raising the roof with peals of childish laughter. We were never told to be quiet. Never told we were being disrespectful. We were just living, loving and laughing like children will.

The actual funeral was a time to be quiet. We knew that. We sat with our parents or grandparents and listened to the people tell funny or serious stories about the deceased. We stood when it was over and solemnly followed the others out. At the graveside, we listened as sacred words were spoken to let the God/Goddess know the deceased was on their way, for some to heaven, for my family, to the Summerland. We stood or sat again respectfully, threw in our handful of dirt or a flower and watched as the casket was lowered into the ground then covered with the earth. At this point, the adults would again start communing, usually walking about the cemetery and paying their respects to others who had passed before. Sometimes laying flowers from the funeral on other family members graves. The children were free to run and play hide and seek amongst the gravestones. The cemetery was filled with the sounds of childish screeches and laughter. We knew that there were people buried beneath where we were playing. We understood where we were. We also knew they were not truly there anymore, but had gone on to where their deity took them. It was simply a part of life and a part we accepted without a lot of questioning. It just was, it could not be changed, so acceptance was the only option.

In these modern times, when so many are choosing to forego funeral services due to expense or personal choice, it is rare for one to see children of any age at the viewing, service or internment. When plans are made to attend, and I ask if another is bringing their children, I am so often met with shock and anger. Parents today do not wish to expose their children to death. They feel it is cruel or heartless.

So it comes that so many children today are traumatized by their first experience with death. They feel abandoned and hurt. They are angry and confused. Parents are putting their children in therapy to deal with these emotions. The child sees death as an unexpected traumatic end, not as the way things are. So many today fear death and fight against it constantly. Why? Because they were never able to be taught and shown that death, while not a happy event, is just the next step in life. They have never had the chance to experience death in a loving and family environment. They have not been given the choice of a child to accept it.

Are we robbing our children of a happy and full life by not allowing them to see all aspects of it? I say yes. I say that in not exposing your children to death as children, they are not able to take the right of childlike acceptance of death, well explained as a part of life. They are not able to see that after death, life goes on for the rest. They are not given the chance to live the fullest life they can. Why? Because they live with a misunderstanding and fear of death.

So what is the answer? Well there are many. Take your child or children with you to funerals, at least to the viewing. Allow them an opportunity to see and say goodbye. By all means if they lose a playmate, let them go to the funeral or service to say goodbye. Bring them to see relatives or friends who are terminally ill. Do not steal their last chance to say goodbye or give that one last hug. If you can arrange it, take your child to the funeral home early. They will be less intimidated if there are not a lot of people milling about. Another suggestion is to arrange a visit to the funeral home just to see what it looks like. Take them through the viewing rooms and chapel, allow them to see the coffin displays. This will keep the home from being a strange and scary place. Let them come with you if you go to the cemetery to place flowers. Let them see the cemetery as a place for those who are still alive, by explaining that death was just the next step.

While all of these suggestions may sound cruel, they are not. Children have the uncanny ability to accept reality unquestioned. What they learn to accept in childhood carries through as a given into adulthood. Yes they may question death as they grow older, but they will not be traumatized by it. The underlying acceptance from childhood will always overcome.

Explaining to your child about death may seem very difficult to you. You must plan your words ahead of time and be prepared for a myriad of childish questions. Never fool yourself that your child does not already have a preconceived notion of death. They have seen dead animals on the road, insects, birds and other creatures. Ask them before you begin with your explanation, what they think death means. Use what is available and well known to help you in your explanation with small children. Use their favorite movies or books where death is involved as a reference. Let them associate themselves with that acceptance they have seen or read about.

Keep death in simple terms, explain that the deceased is gone, no, they will not be back. They will no longer eat, sleep, breathe or be able to do all the things they did while alive.

Cremation can be difficult to explain to children. One of the most important things to remember is to avoid using the word burned. Children understand fire and hot. An easy explanation is that the deceased did not wish to be buried in the earth. That since their spirit had left their body, they no longer needed the body. The body was placed in a very hot room and it turned into ashes which were then put into the urn. If you can, show them the urn or if they were given, the small ash holders. Explain to them completely that the deceased’s spirit is gone. Children can become very afraid of urns or the rooms they may be in if they feel the person is in there. Most important is to make sure it is explained and understood.

What I found worked best with my own three children was to sit them down with me on the couch or in the floor. I told them that I had something to talk about with them. I then went on with my explanation of who had passed. What had caused them to die. Where they were now. Then to explain we were going to say goodbye to their earthly body. In response to the question “why” I simply explained that this was just the next step in the way of life. The questions came like bullets; “Will we see their spirit?”, “Can they still talk to us?”, “Are they a ghost now?”, “Do they look like the mummy guy?”, “Are you going to die?”, “When are you going to die?”, “Are we going to die?” and so on. I answered each one with the truth. In the end we sat for a bit and shared a funny memory of a time we had spent with the deceased. All in all they were prepared and well behaved for the viewing, service and internment.

If you do not feel you can effectively explain death to your child or children, then arrange a meeting with your spiritual leader for all of you. Let your leader explain life and death to you all.

We cannot control death, we may expect it, be prepared for it, but it is still something of a shock much of the time. If a child has experienced the death of a distant relative, family friend or even a pet ahead of time, when it is a close relative, they will be less traumatized than they would if they were not prepared.

Your child will grieve, however it will not be in the fashion of an adult. They may reenact death in their playtime with monsters being the culprit. They may be worried death is contagious like the chicken pox. It is normal for a child to question death and make it a grisly horror experience. Be prepared to answer questions sometimes days, weeks or even months after the actual death. Children take their own time to work through their thoughts and feelings. The time for concern is when you see a dramatic change in the child’s behavior. A drop in grades, avoidance of friends for a continued length of time, withdrawal from family. If this occurs, sit down with your child and discuss what they are feeling. Do not be surprised if they feel guilty. They may have been angry with the deceased at one time and feel that their anger is what caused the death. Talk to your child and relieve their fears and anxieties. Explain to them that anger, wishes, and the like do not cause death. Explain the cause of the deceased’s death if you think it will help. The important thing is to help your child work through these feelings on an open and healthy level.

Allowing a child to experience death is not a punishment, it is a gift of life! Are we, the adults so superior to withhold the natural process of life from our children? No we are not. It is immoral to let one’s fear or revulsion of death be carried on by another generation. The continuing of such emotion is mentally and spiritually detrimental to the well being of the child. In opening this up to your child, it may be that you find yourself more accepting of death as well. A healing of both mind and soul.

COPYWRITE 2004 ~ Khara S. O'Taryn

Posted at 12:52 am by KharaSiochain
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